In The Ditch of Affection
by Fantasy-Flyer
Summary: After another successful round in SSX Tricky, Mac is ready to take on anybody that stands in his way, including his newly-made rival. Will Mac’s past haunt him? Mac
1. A Rival

In The Ditch of Affection  
  
By Fantasy-Flyer  
  
Disclaimer: WHY DO WE HAVE TO WRITE THESE DARNED THINGS?? WE ALL KNOW THAT I COULD NEVER KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS KIND OF TECHNOLOGY AND MAKE A GAME LIKE THIS? Hurmph, ok here goes…. I, Fantasy-Flyer do NOT own any of the following characters, settings, and sort of the plot (not really) so there, you CAN'T sue me! MWA, HA, HA, HA! My Money! clutches $1.00 protectively  
  
Summery: After another successful round in SSX Tricky, Mac is ready to take on anybody that stands in his way, including his newly-made rival. Will Mac's past haunt him? Will I ever learn to write a decent summery? SSX3 R&R PLEEZ!  
  
Chapter One: A Rival  
  
Ahhh…this year's going to be great! Another round of whopping people's butts in SSX and taking the gold. This is going to be fun! I'll be able to pelt snowballs at rookies, and bug the heck out of Kaori and the rest of the girls…heh, heh, heh.  
  
I was sitting in the waiting area to board the next plane to Big Mountain, the new SSX circuit. I drowned out our new DJ, Atomika by turning up my iPod and listening to Clockworks by Autopilot Off. I'm guessing hes announcing the new ridding buddies and roommates. Bah, I'll still probably be with Kaori, and then Moby and Psymon will have newbies, HA, HA, HA!! I finally turned my iPod down to hear my name, even though I already know.  
  
"Kaori and Griff, Psymon and Moby, Marty and Zoë, and finally Mac and Allegra. Now, onto the plane!" Atomkia ushered the boarders onto the plane then sat down in his chair and started to have a nap.  
  
Humph, they put me, ME, The Mac Fraser with a small peasant! Great, now I'm stuck being a babysitter till the end of my days…fun, fun, fun.  
  
Allegra didn't seem to mind as she sat down and began rummaging through her bag, looking for something. Geez, what kind of person would have a crappy backpack like that? With rips and tears, it looked like a street man's delight. She finally found what she was looking for, a book or scribbler of some sort and started to write furiously. Now, I'm not the curious type but this time I couldn't help myself.  
  
"Umm…excuse me, umm its Allerga right? Ok, whatcha writing?" My voice sounded kind of quiet for some strange reason. I'm usually pretty loud around the other boarders probably because you get bragging rights if you win.  
  
She gave me what Marty would call an annoyed glance with steel, then answered.  
  
"Well, I'm doing my homework. What does it look like?" She cocked one eyebrow up and grinned slightly. Her tone though was falsely cheery, like you would expect and Grade 1 teacher to use when trying to teach her students how to read. Like I was some idiot. I started to lose my temper.  
  
"Well sorry! Its called I graduated from school and ain't going back!" I was also getting annoyed now; this know-it-all is going to be my partner! I'll bet she just begged her way in and doesn't have any talent what-so-ever! Well, if she is my partner, then she'll have to play by MY rules!  
  
"It's called University. But whatever." She stuffed her scribbler back into her bag then just sat there. That scowled somehow reminded me of Zoë, Allegra is probably going to get along quite well with her. Why couldn't THEY be partners? Why me? But no, they partner Zoë with my twin, Marty. Smart, talented Marty, the Marty that Mother loves SO much. The way she fawns over him is disgusting and wrong but I'm used to it. My thoughts must have danced on my face for Allegra was waving a hand in front of my face and muttering something.  
  
"Hello? Earth to Mac, can you get back to Earth like the rest of us or is that to hard for you to do?" She was walking a fine line with me and I'm about to snap like a twig.  
  
"I was in thought or is that to complex for you simple, little mind to comprehend? Tell me and I'll say it in simpler words." I shot back coldy.  
  
"Really? You can think? Geez, I would have never thought of that!" The false tone and grin vanished and was replaced with a heavy scowl and dangerously sly voice.  
  
That was it. I had had enough. This little brat was about to learn the hard way. 


	2. Big Mountain, Big Trouble

Disclaimer: I thought we went through this already? I AM NOT INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO CREATE SUCH A MASTERPIECE! EA BIG OWNS SSX3, NOT ME!!!! starts huffing and snapping pencils in half

Thanx to the following people who were KIND and CARING enough to review my story!

Irish-Ninja

Rhyli

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, ON WITH THE STORY!

Chapter Two: Big Mountain Big Trouble

We continued bickering (much to the other boarder's displeasure) until we landed, then we separated ourselves immediately. No way was I, Mac Fraser going to hang a round with that excuse of a human being! The way she annoyed me was even worse then Marty! Marty, the stupid-know-it-all (I AM THE KING OF OXYMORONS!!!!) Marty the kind, Marty the helpful, Marty the REALLY BAD snowboarder. One thing good about Marty, he isn't as bad as that Sauvagess brat who simpered her way into the circuit! Even then, she isn't as bad as Marisol...the evil murderer. Don't want to think about her right now, I'm upset all the same.

We all loaded into a trio of coach busses (of course, not like we were going to travel in a cheese wagon...we have to travel in style!) and were dropped off at the Mountain's Main Lodge/Hotel. Everyone else was all happy and talking like nobody's business except me and Allegra. We walked to the desk in silence, then without acknowledging the other was there, asked the desk clerk which room we were in. Allegra was in 42 with Zoe and I was in 36 with Marty. I started to dance because we weren't even on the same floor! YES! I quickly took my room card and ran for the elevator. I just made it in with my pals Psymon and Moby before the elevator door closed. Thankfully Allegra didn't make it. My relief must have been plain on my face for Moby glanced curiously at me.

"Oy mate! Why are you so relieved? You don't have more female fans chasing you do you? If you do, I'll gladly take them off your hands!" Psymon snickered after that last comment.

"Heh, like any girl would go after you Moby, you with your little British accent and "cool" shades would make any girl go after you!" He stated sarcastically. "Its only me and Mac that have the girls 'round us all the time...maybe because we are the BEST!!! Mwa, ha, ha, ha!"

Oh brother, here we go again. They're going to start arguing about "Who has more female fans then the other" or "Who is the best boarder." They should know that I'M THE BEST BOARDER AROUND BY NOW! I MEAN, I'VE WHOOPED THEIR PUNY BUTTS AT LEAST 10000 TIMES! But no, they still think that they're better...geez.

I left the elevator by yelling good-bye even thought I doubt that they even heard me. I headed towards the room that I shared with my twin and unlocked the door. Once I locked the door behind me, it all started.

Sorry if that was really short, I just didn't want to give the "problem" away yet...heh, heh, CLIFFY!!!! Anyways, see that little purple-blue button? Yeah it says Review on it...could you PLEASE! click on it and give me your thoughts! I NEED YOUR OPINION! starts screaming and withering in pain GASP...HURRY!

Fantasy-Flyer


	3. Loved Ones are Oh so Precious

In The Ditch of Affection  
  
By Fantasy-Flyer  
  
Disclaimer: Hrmph, we all know that I did not create the SSX series so back to what I was talking about earlier before I was so rudely interrupted! EMC2...  
  
Thanx SO much to those who are brave enough to REVIEW! Thank-you to:  
  
iceryu66

Miko

Rini Fraser

Rhyli AGAIN! YOU REVIEW AGAIN! YOU ROCK! HUGS!  
  
A/N: K, the 1st 2 chapters were from Mac's point of view, now the next 2 are going to be Allegra's, then Marty's, then Zoe's, then back to Mac's.  
  
Chapter 3: Loved Ones are Oh so Precious  
  
I was lounging around my room when my appointed roommate walked in. She seemed cool enough. With silky, black hair with red dye streaks, multiple ear piercing and with one on her tongue. Slightly torn leather pants and jacket. Also with some tattoos. Seems like a punk rocker in my opinion.  
  
She collapsed on her bed and stared at the blank ceiling. This isn't going to get anywhere if I don't do something. I thought of a simple approach, talking about the weather.  
  
"So, nice weather we're having eh?" Geez, I sound like one of those square-hicks…  
  
"Hmm? Oh, if you call a ragging blizzard good weather then yup." She glanced at me with a smirk then strode towards my bag. When she picked it up, she smirked again.  
  
"Hey, what kind of home do you live in? An apartment? Maybe even trailer trash?" That smirk was getting annoying. I decided to fight back.  
  
"You know what? You sure remind me of someone that I had the…pleasure of meeting." Now the tables were turning to me.  
  
"Hmm? And who would that be?" She threw down my bag and started to inch closer to me.  
  
"Yup, and his name is Mac Fraser."  
  
She looked like she totally wasn't expecting that. A spasm went across her face before she grinned.  
  
"I've never heard of that one before…" She began to laugh. I soon joined in and we collapsed onto our beds with tears streaming down our faces. Looks like I had won her companionship.  
  
She stopped laughing for a moment, glanced at the waterfall that was on my face and started to laugh even harder. She laughed like there was no tomorrow. Ha, my younger brother used to do that…  
  
"Mmph…you want to….AHA, HA, HA…ahem excuse me… you wanna go get a drink?" She couldn't stop laughing and when she tried to stand up, she fell back onto her bed. She finally got control and began to head for the door. She glanced back at me.  
  
"Are you coming?" Mirth had entered her voice.  
  
I couldn't turn down an offer to get to know her better. Of course I agreed.  
  
We left for the café that was on the main floor and guess who we ran into in the elevator…yup it was Mac Fraser.  
  
Well? I know, the chapters are short…I HATE SCHOOL! Anyways, PLEASE REVIEW it makes me feel less…suicidal…heh, heh, heh….I'm not kidding…


	4. Memories I hold Near Me where ever I Roa...

Disclaimer: I wish, anyways (speaks in monotone voice) I do not own SSX, Nintendo does and any of the following ideas, my brain does…thank you, and now please buckle your seat belts, your in for a wild ride. 

OMG SO MANY PEOPLE, SO MANY REVIEWS:

Miss Mallora: Thanx, I try to portray Mac, hes hard….lol

Rhyli: LOL, no don't worry, I'm not dying any time soon…I WANT WoA, BF, EoE AND FoN!!!! NOW!!!! Heh, heh, insider…

Mac'schick: Yeah, they do don't they? I know the chapters are short, I'M WORKIN ON IT

Iceryu66: THANX! Yeah, conflict comin right up!

Shadowshock12: Thanx!

Tiger Forest: OMG, UR MY IDOL!!!!!! I really am trying to work on the chapter thing…Thanx 4 your support…ITZ NEEDED!!!!

And, now, ON WITH THE LONG CHAPTER (for once, lol)

Chapter 4: Memories I Hold Near Me, Where Ever I Roam

We had stopped laughing and walked into the elevator. Scary how something that you usually don't notice can become so…well…noticeable. Like the elevator for instance; you usually don't pay attention to the size of it because you have other things on your mind like where you are going, or what just happened over the cell phone. Me, as soon as the two doors closed, I felt like the walls were compressing together and the roof was falling down, the space was so tiny. I don't remember having claustrophobia, but since Mac was there, I felt like I was basically a part of him, we were so close.  
Zoë must have felt my discomfort and began a rather loud conversation with Mac, like she was hinting something to me.

"So, Mac, how are you dealing with having to share a room with your brother again? I remember last year you-" She was cut of by Mac, who interrupted with venom in his words.

"Zoë, do you really think that you have the right to broadcast my ENTIRE life to your new "best-buddy"? I THINK NOT!" Gad, when he did "best buddy" he did those stupid finger quotations…I HATE THOSE STUPID THINGS! THEY ARE FROM 2000! Hello! We are living in 2004-2005 season here pal, so get your ugly head out of your time capsule and pay attention because your going to be taught a lesson in manners, etiquette, and what year it is.

"Excuse me Mac but she was talking unless your stupid empty head can't hear anything. Its called manners but wait a minute, you don't HAVE any! I completely forgot, gee how stupid of me, I just did a Mac!"

"At least I can snowboard! You're pathetic, I mean, even my brother can beat you and hes the worst in the league! Man you're stupid."

"…You haven't seen me board, how dumb can you get? Besides, I can whip your butt when it comes to snowboarding! I can beat you ANY DAY!"

"Really, well how bout today then…Aly?" His slick voice were as slimy as his words…and besides that…he just called me Aly…BIG MISTAKE!

Death was in my mind when Zoë broke my train of thoughts.

"Hey, Allegra…its our stop! Come on, leave little Maciekins to his own inventions…besides, I believe you" Her words simmered me down a bit but before I had left, I had one more thing to say:

"Oh, and by the way Mac, the little "finger quotations" when out like people saying "Wasup!" every time you see them, toodles stupid." Heh, the look on his face was priceless…he looked like he was ready to slice me in half, take all of my organs out, sew me back together and put me on his wall to throw darts at…wait a second, I've been watching Jeepers Creepers too much! Actually, he was running at us when the elevator doors closed and SLAM, he smacked into the doors! No wonder people call him Mac' Smack Fraser, because he seems to like running into things! Ha, hopefully he hasn't lost any more of his brains then he already has.

Grinning, me and Zoë headed towards the café. While she ordered our hot-chocolates, a hyper looking 12 year old began to bounce all over the hall. His floppy blond hair was swaying all over the place and his moronic grin was driving me crazy, but it did remind me of someone…but just as fate would have it, when Zoë was walking back to our table, wobbling to keep the drinks steady, the blond sugar boy just happened to be bugging Psymon at the time, and just happened to be that Psymon had enough of him and pushed him away, and he just happened to bump into Zoë, spilling our hot chocolate all over her and the floor…man, I hate it when fate rears it's ugly head.

"…You little brat, get back here!" Zoë began to chase after the boy until Psymon stepped in and grabbed him before she could.

"Thanks Psymon now give him here…we have some talking to do…don't we kid?" I began to slowly walk over, this didn't look good.

"Yeah, well, you'll have to wait my demonic girl because I'm not finished with him" Psymon stuck his tongue out at Zoë then began to stalk off with the boy, making rude gestures back at Zoë with his free hand, knowing that she would come after him again.  
I stopped Zoë from trampling after them by saying that it wasn't worth it and I knew how to get the kid back because I knew him…he was my brother. She spun around with an apparent look of shock on her face; mouth gapping open, eyebrows raised, and with her hands holding her face…just kidding, her hands were grabbing mine and then pulling me towards the elevator, first glancing at the floor Psymon went to, which incidentally was the roof, and then spoke to me.

"Well, if hes your brother, then I won't kill him, but Psymon might, he has the nickname "psycho Psymon" for nothing, no come on!" For the 2nd time today I was dragged around by my new friend, heading this time up, and just our luck…Marty, Mac, Nate and Moby were all in the elevator we waited for.

Mac pushed the close door button but Marty stuck his foot in between the doors, making them open again.

"Mac, be polite. They just want to use the elevator to go somewhere, its not like they're dangerous…right Moby?" Marty didn't sound anything like his brother but they sure did look alike. With the same bed-rustled hair, dark navy-eyes and same build: tall and thin. I'm surprised that they weren't blown away by the wind yet.

"Well, Allegra doesn't look dangerous but Zoë, since of past experience is. Welcome aboard ladies…what floor?" Zoë glared at Moby while I pushed our button. And if fate or luck or whatever the heck you want to call it was a person, I would kill them, then bring them back to life, then kill them again…the only available place to stand left was in between the twins…gad, this is the 2nd time I've had to stand beside the jackass today! Marty smiled and began a rather interesting conversation.

"Hey Allegra, so you're new to the circuit right?" I nodded my head "Thought so, anyways, we…err I mean the entire circuit have been waiting for ever to find someone that could beat Mac, people call him the legendary Snow-King…how original eh?"

Zoe continued the conversation from there. "Yeah, so the closest anybody's been to beat Mac was Psycho Psymon and he was a whole 5'00 seconds behind! That's a lot in snowboarding races…anyways, we've hoped that a newbie could show him up…I've seen you board, I think you have a grand chance of becoming the new Champ this season!"

Mac didn't think highly of this conversation and told everyone to shut the hell up or else he'd hurt us…ooh, so scared…we finally got to the roof and thanked MOST of the guys for being so friendly then got off. We ran down this long hallway until a huge, metal door with a sign reading: WARNING DO NOT ENTER UNLESS FIRE ROOF CAN BE VERY ICY DURING WINTER. Bah, I didn't care 'bout some stupid sign, I cared about my brother.

REVIEW, flames xcepted…lots of luv peoples! OMG...this is my longest chapter yet....acording to Word... 5 PAGES


	5. Sibling Rivalry, Siblingly Love

In The Ditch of Affection

By Fantasy-Flyer

Disclaimer: Again, like I said, NOT MINE! Oh, and the plot is Fantasy-Flyer's.

A/N: Hi people. Just so you know, this isn't Flyer. It's Haloless here. Yeah, you want Batman but all you can get is Robin. Whatever. Well, you see, Flyer's out of ideas for this, so I'm finishing this story for her. So this would be a good time to stop reading because I'm not funny (or at least I don't think I'm funny). So sorry about that. Well, if you wish to continue- chapter five of In the Ditch of Affection!

Chapter 5: Sibling Rivalry, Siblingly Love

You want to know something funny? I'm a full five minutes younger, but it seems like I'm Mac's babysitter. I'm more responsible, I'm more mature, etc. Just take for example what happened when we got back to our room.

I got to the TV first, thank God. I always get to the TV first, because unlike my twin, I do not have to take a fifteen minute shower every time I walk into my room. The guy's obsessed, I tell you; he probably spends more time in the shower than he does sleeping.

So I was watching the discovery channel, and it was in the middle of a very interesting three hour special on sea urchins, when Mac finally came out of the bathroom and sat down beside me.

"Sea urchins?" he asked disbelievingly. He thinks I have bad taste.

I stuck out my tongue at him. "Maybe if you weren't so paranoid about getting dirty, you'd actually get to choose what we watch on TV once in a while!"

"Whatever," he muttered, slouching, "Just be a good little brother and get me a beer, okay?"

"No!" I exclaimed. I, of course, am against alcohol consumption.

But Mac does this thing where he raises an eyebrow and then squints with the other eye… and, well, it kind of creeps me out, so I know he means business and can and will kill me. You can understand that it was necessary at this point to go against my own principals and hurry to the kitchen to get my brother a bottle of Kokanee or whatever brand he'd bought this time.

And then when I got back, the opening credits of Amityville Horror are on the TV screen.

"I was here first!" I exclaimed in outrage, placing his beer down on the table (on a coaster, as my mother always taught me).

"Shut up, Marty, we both know I could beat you to a pulp. If you want to watch your sea urchins so much, why don't you go to Mom's penthouse suite and watch the stupid show there?"

You see, my father's family owned the whole resort, and then Mom got the mountain village and Peak 1 in the divorce. Dad still owns Peaks 2 and 3, and both of them are here, except neither of us visit Dad much because of George. I wish I could say that George was a big pit bull, or a python, or a scary parrot (what, talking birds are CREEPY!), but he's not. You see, my dad's kind of… how to put this… gay. George is his lover. So I live with Mom year round. Mac and Moby have a bachelor pad somewhere, because Mac isn't on great terms with either of our parents. While we were growing up, because I was the diligent, helpful one, Mom sort of favored me a little… alright, a lot. Okay, she accidentally ran Mac over with a snowmobile once (I have to marvel how tough my brother is, despite numerous past medical problems; I would have been dead). Well, Mac was Dad's favorite, because he was talented and "the handsome one" (even though we both look alike), but Mac kind of lost interest in being Dad's favorite after catching him with the chairlift operator. So yeah. That's one story of our lives. Now back to this one.

"Alright, I will," I retorted, heading out the door, "But you're a big meanie!" Mac always gets his way… his way with the TV, his way with the ladies, his way with the circuit… NOT FAIR!

Mac laughed at my pathetic insult (I've always been bad at them). "Well at least I'm not the one still living with my mother!"

"_Our_ mother," I corrected. After eighteen years of having to put up with me, Mac kind of developed a way to trick himself into thinking he's an only child, and sometimes it works pretty well.

"Whatever."

I opened the door, then turned around. "Oh, and Mac, remember, change your nicotine patch, keep your sweater on, and take messages if anyone calls for me."

"Yes Mom," he replied sarcastically, taking a sip of beer.

Shaking my head, I left. I knew I'd probably come back to Mac wearing a t-shirt and smoking a cigarette with the light on the answering machine blinking like heck. But whatever. I had some sea urchins to watch.

But I do have a little problem. Sometimes, when I really want to watch a documentary or something, I kind of tend to not think about anything else. So instead of taking the elevator to Mom's penthouse, I ended up on the roof, and… alright, I admit, I didn't notice. So sue me, sometimes I'm stupid.

So mistaking it for Mom's front door, I ended up going through the door that lead to the roof, and instead of the smell of freshly baked cookies and potpourri, I heard… screaming. My first thought: Oh no, Mom has the same taste in movies as Mac! But the real thing was worse than that, as bad as that is.

So there was Mac's buddy Psymon Stark holding that new kid Griff Simmons under one arm and heading to the edge of the roof, with Zoë Payne and Allegra Sauvegess trying in vain to hold him back.

"Psymon, stop…" Zoë sighed, "You don't know what you're doing…"

Allegra was a bit feistier. "Let go of my brother, you creep!" she yelled, "Let go, let go, LET GO!"

Brother? How did that work? They have different last names.

Now, I'm not tough, but I do know when to take a stand… just not with Mac. But it wasn't Mac, it was Psymon, so… I did the stupid thing.

"DIE!" I called, lunging, then slipping on the ice and hitting Psymon in the knees. Now, anyone who's been around the circuit long enough knows that Psymon had to have knee surgery during his rookie year, and since then, that's always been his weak spot. Of course, I really was aiming for his head, but don't tell Zoë that.

"FRASER!" hollered Psymon, slipping on the ice, causing Griff to fall out of his arms and Psymon himself to topple off the roof.

"MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

The hideous sound of a grown man screaming for his mother was stopped when his jacket got caught on the fire escape, and there he was, dangling like a worm on a fish hook. My dad used to take me fishing (Mac doesn't like fishing), but I stopped when he started bringing George along.

Anyway…

Griff stood there, shaking. "S-Sis?" he asked, his voice wavering.

Allegra smiled. "Come here, you."

It was a beautiful sight, seeing Griff all happy and running into Allegra's open arms. She then tried to swing him around, like they do in movies, but she sort of slipped on the ice and they both fell. Don't tell Allegra I told you and don't let Mac find out about that, okay?

Zoë then turned to me. "Wow, Marty… you're a hero."

"Thank you so much, Marty," Allegra mumbled, still hugging Griff and still on the ground… er, roof… roof floor? Oh well.

It was weird how they both knew I was me and not Mac. Most people only know Mac, because he's the big famous snowboard hero and I suck. So it was a surprise to not have to correct them for once. But then again, Zoë had always been able to tell us apart. She must have told Allegra how to too. To too… hahaha, tutu… BALLET! …Get it? You don't, do you?…Yeah, I'm not funny. But that's not the point.

The next thing I knew, Zoë's lips were on my cheek and I was on the ground, or roof, or roof floor, probably with some dumb expression on my face. Then, I remembered what I had been wondering…

"How are you two siblings?"

Allegra got up, brushing off her clothes. "Oh… well, my parents got divorced, like, nine years ago."

"Really?" I exclaimed, perking up, "Mine got divorced nine years ago too! My dad was cheating."

"Yeah, my mom was cheating… so Dad took me and Mom took Griff, and then she changed his last name to her maiden name since he was only a little kid at the time."

Me and Zoë… oops, Zoë and I nodded simultaneously.

"Hey, someone, GET ME DOWN!" yelled Psymon from the fire escape.

This was followed by the sound of ripping fabric, a freakishly high-pitched scream, the sound of something heavy hitting metal, and then a low grumble of, "Ow…"

"Well, I'd better get going," I muttered glancing at my watch, "I'll see you three tomorrow."

So I headed back to my room. Just as I had suspected, Mac was lying on the couch, asleep, sweaterless and shivering, five or six empty beer bottles littering the floor and cigarette smoke all over. The TV was still on, showing some guy walking through a dark hallway with creepy score music playing in the background… or was it silent? I can't remember, I turned off the TV just in case a ghost was about to appear.

I tried cleaning up the area as best I could, then threw a few quilts over Mac and headed to my bedroom to get some shut-eye myself. Being a hero can be very tiring.

Next chapter: Marty finds out something HUGE about Mac's high school fling with Marisol.

A/N: Well, you know what they say… REVIEW!


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